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| "It was peaceful, as though someone was dying." |
| 07.07.07 (1:31 pm) [edit] |
I have an incredible urge to cry right now.
Icelandic music will do that to you.
Or is it something else?
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| After almost 4 years... |
| 07.06.07 (8:00 pm) [edit] |
I've decided to keep a blog again. Myspace is too public for me to display my personal thoughts on.
For the longest, I've felt that kids use online blogs just to whine and bitch. But reading all my old posts have brought back memories that I had almost lost. And it was a good feeling.
Quick update of where I'm at for future references:
The ex-boyfriend and I (since I notice that almost every damn post I made I just had to mention him) broke up like 2 1/2 years ago (after 1st semester of college). We didn't talk for a good 2 years but I guess we're cool now. That's as far as that's going to get. I miss being in a relationship, but him and I have been done and are done. It's nice to keep in touch with someone who meant so much to you at one point, though. Been in another relationship since. And that ended up being a disaster. I just don't think I can do relationships.
A friend I flamed on this has been in active duty for the army since we left high school. He's currently in Okinawa. He's also become somewhat patriotic which doesn't agree with my idealogies.
I stopped talking to the girl from Spanish Lit after 1st year of college.
I finally met George and Derek about a year ago, when I was going from 18-19 years of age (I'm 20 at the moment). Derek had a baby shortly after, and he got back with Laura. Haven't talked to them since. Weird, huh?
I'm attending California State University, Long Beach. Have since 2004. Currently, I'm a Microbiology and Chemistry double major and I'm thinking about maybe minoring in Physics.
There's this guy that I've known now for 2 1/2 years (notice how this coincides with my breakup). Recently, I've been having a lot of dreams about him. I know I'm sexually attracted to him (and vice versa), but I don't know if there's anything else there for the moment. I fear that there may be.
The group fell apart. OC is keeping it alive.
I do miss high school.
May the heart spilling begin!
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| The stupidest thing on the net. |
| 03.26.04 (5:41 pm) [edit] |
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~-~-[www.pathetic.com[/url
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| Only in Gardena. |
| 03.26.04 (5:28 pm) [edit] |
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I just realized that my school is the greatest. Only in GHS will you have [i]three[/i] lockdowns in one day, one for each period. Only in this school will anyone be stupid enough to try to assault another person with a miniature-sized baseball bat. But the best part is that I got to leave early when they had us escorted out of our own school to a row of riot police standing under the school logo: "Success starts here." JUST GREAT.
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| This is the stuff I work with. |
| 03.21.04 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
Name: Trichloroethylene
CHCL:CCL2
WARNING: Causes eye and skin irritation. May cause cancer. May cause birth defects. Based on animal data, may affect liver, kidneys, lungs, heart, and central nervous system.
WARNING: This product contains a chemical known to the State of California to cause cancer.
Yup... my Dad is killing us very slowly.
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| Yeah... |
| 03.21.04 (4:53 pm) [edit] |
I got into a fight with some stupid ghetto girl and I kicked her ass. That's why my lip is busted. But if you think that's bad, you should see what I did to her...
O:D
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| I've got my baby back. |
| 03.12.04 (11:42 pm) [edit] |
After three long and agonizing weeks, I'm back together with the love of my life. God this feels great. :D
<3>
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| The Adicts - I Am Yours |
| 03.11.04 (6:10 pm) [edit] |
Catch me if you can
When I come your way
Catch me if you can
I'm falling like the rain
Everyday I see you
But you're so far away
Every way I love you
Don't you know I love you so
I would never ever let you go
I am yours
Whenever you want me
I am yours
Whenever you need me
All I do is dream of you
All through the night
Will I ever hold you
Don't you know I love you so
I would never ever let you go
My damn bands have feelings, just like I do. =/
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| And... |
| 02.06.04 (6:33 pm) [edit] |
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Thanks a lot new users for fucking up tblog for me. Bastards.
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| Eh. |
| 02.06.04 (6:30 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I think I'll just make this my official temporary goodbye. My internet broke, I'm too lazy, and tblog got really stupid. Maybe later I'll make another one, but for now... BYE.
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| Dear God, |
| 01.17.04 (10:38 pm) [edit] |
So how have you been? Tell me, how does it feel being up there looking down? Great, I’m sure. I mean, you don’t have much to worry about. Just kill this person here, create a war over there, sounds simple enough. And I envy that. I envy the fact that you sit back and create all of this. Why? Because I wish I had that power. The power to change things. To make people happy. But you, I don’t think you have to worry about that. You’ve been doing this job for way too long , huh? Don’t care much what happens, as long as it’s easy on you.
Sometimes I can’t believe how almighty you are. Seeing people suffer and not do anything about it takes a lot of power, a lot of guts. Knowing that because of you, women are stripped of their rights. Not being able to breathe fresh air without a mask on because to you, it is forbidden. Having your holy men, your priests, rape little children and get away with it because it is not possible that your followers would do such a thing. How does it feel to know that a little girl cried on Friday night because she is not able to see her best friend before she undergoes operation because, in your bible, the holy book, it is forbidden to do anything on the Sabbath. Are you thinking about stripping her friend away from her, knowing that because of you she’ll be gone, and because of you, she is not going to be able to see her one last time.
Are you proud of the fact that wars are started every day because of you, that people, no matter how insane it may sound, blow themselves up to kill human beings as a way to enter your wonderful kingdom? Do you ever see all those people down here who are hungry, who starve to death? Have you ever thought about turning the stones on those fresh graves into bread? Humans have to eat, although you don’t. Maybe you shouldn’t have created disease instead of having us to deal with it. Maybe you should just place us in your promised land, instead of having us wait in agony.
Sometimes I wonder why I wasn’t born a male instead of being cursed with this body. To not reluctantly expect my curse every month. To be able to enjoy the temptation of sex because virginity only matters in females. Because I wonder how it feels like to not have to worry about disgracing you, your religion, myself, and not become trash in your eyes. To not worry about creating another life to arrive from between both of my legs. All the pain in the world all to create one more life, one more puppet whose strings you will enjoy to play with. Oh, but that’s not the best part. You blame us for all the suffering of this world. When people like me ask how you can allow all of this, your answer is so simple: You, woman, have made all of this. Mister, you are so wise. Throw it on my back, and cleanse your conscious.
But I have to admire you. With these words you know that I’ll be marked a sinner, a blasphemist, as evil. You have so much courage to still try to make me think that my soul can still be saved, even though you know as well as I do that our souls are lost and damned already. That this is hell, the place that you try to make us fear, but yet, has been in front of us all along. And you know that not the effort in the world will make us deserve to bask in your presence in the holy kingdom. But you want to know what? That is not a lost for me. Because frankly, I could care less. I have unmasked you. So now I have to ask why I’m writing this. Maybe for the satisfaction of knowing that I might open someone’s eyes today, to take the covering off their face. Maybe for the satisfaction of letting you know how much I hate and despise you. To make you know that I am not as ignorant as you have me out to be, and that I will not accept your religions, your conspiracies, your mirages. To let you know that MY god is not the one that you want to see.
So I’ll let you go now. I know that I have wasted your time, and mines as well, in this useless effort. Farewell.
P.S. Tell your stupid disciples to stop knocking on my door and waking me up on Saturday mornings. I feel too much pity for them to let them know that their idle is a fake.
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| My sister is Satan's spawn. |
| 12.31.03 (1:27 am) [edit] |
Today I had to babysit my little sister. I don't even like kids, but I felt bad for my stepmom. She was going to drive all the way to L.A. to drop her off for a couple of hours just to pick her up again. So, out of the kindness of my heart, I offered to take care of her. First of all, I was woken up at 7 in the morning, and I like my sleep. When I woke up later I called my boyfriend to bring me breakfast (he bought it voluntarily, I didn't make him :wink: ). If it wasn't for him, I would have probably snapped and thrown my sister across the room. Just kidding, but she can get very annoying. But, I made it "without getting arrested," as Scott said. Luckily, I didn't have to go to work and spend the rest of the day with my teddy bear :wink: . Afterwards, my stepmom dropped him off and when we returned home, I helped her to prepare the stuff to make tamales tomorrow. Damn, I'm going to have to wake up early to help her :? . Hmm, that means I should go to sleep early, but I'm not that sleepy.
P.S. Happy New Year's Eve!
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| Happy late birthday, Jeebuz. |
| 12.28.03 (7:59 pm) [edit] |
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So the first week of winter break was awesome. First of all, no school so no waking up early! Yay! Christmas was cool too. Woke up early to go with my boyfriend and his family to his great grandma's house to eat "lunch" (it was breakfast for me). Oh god, the food was great. Oh, and his family was cool too. But the food! Oh my god! It was food heaven! I was introduced to his family and I'm sure they were thinking the same thing he was: "Why is she wearing those ugly, dirty jeans?" :( Ahaha, just kidding. After having to sadly leave the food, we went back to his house and played Candyland and Jenga. Then we came to my house to exchange gifts. I gave him a watch, but his presents for me were way better. He got me a ring (silver with an amethyst stone :D ), a stuffed animal (a puppy that looks like wishbone), and a frame with our picture in it. It's weird how at first we were both going to give each other the same gifts: a watch and a photo frame. Weird, but I guess it's a good sign. Well, I thought my family had at least an ounce of holiday spirit and had made a holiday dinner, but not even a normal dinner was to be found. We ate a cup o' noodles for dinner; how crappy can that be? But, I had a nice Christmas with my Scott. I hope you all had a nice holiday too.
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| Where are my damn presents!? =( |
| 12.24.03 (11:49 am) [edit] |
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Thanks for nothing.
You shouldn't have, Oh - you didn't
You're so generous, Thanks for nothing
Never mind all the stuff I bought for you
It was my pleasure, getting nothing back
Come next year, I'm getting you what you got me
Fucking Nothing, See how you like it
I don't have much money but I got you something nice
I maxed out my cards, didn't care about the price
To show I care this time of year
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanks for nothing
So I'm a sap, under the Christmas tree
Trying to find the gifts I thought you got for me
But there was nothing there - what a shock
Just the torn up wrappings from all the gifts I bought
Thanks for all the effort to brighten up my Christmas
Thank you for the knife that you stabbed me in the back with
What a blessing, You're really something
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Thanks for nothing
I've been so selfless, choosing gifts so thoughtfully
Sweating in a crowed mall and you don't get shit for me
You selfish asshole, I hope you die
Choking on your putrid pile of presents 6 feet high
Thanks for making Christmas such a disappointment
Thanks for making sharing seem so fucking pointless
What a pal, I'll tell you one thing -
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Thanks for nothing
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Thanks for nothing
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
FUCK YOU!
Oh wait, I do have one... =D
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3 Comments
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| OMFG. My hand was on fire! |
| 12.18.03 (7:53 pm) [edit] |
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Yesterday was Wendy's birthday so she invited us to her house to hang out. It was fun to actually hang out with the whole group for once in a long time. A lot of people went and we were all crowded in her living room watching 'Finding Nemo'. Damn, there was so much food that I couldn't help myself! Fuck, I was so full, I felt as though I was going to explode into a giant gas ball. Then Jessica and Paola take out their lighters and the show got started. They made me make a like a little cave with my palm and they actually set it on fire with the gas. My hands were so sweatty afterwards because I was so nervous. I left around 6:15 (p.m.), so it kind of suck that I didn't get to be there for that long. But on the bright side, I didn't have to withstand Macias' LOOSE ass. Ahaha. I think Wendy really liked that 'I Love Lucy' board game I picthed in for. Gave Buddy a ride and that was that. I'm sure Wendy brought the strippers after I left, that bitch. Ahaha. Now I'm just waiting for tomorrow to end so I can get my goddamn break!
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| Random thought. |
| 12.15.03 (7:02 pm) [edit] |
I know I tend to do multiple posts, but still.
Last week on Thursday a speaker presented in my first period. She was talking about how she wanted to be a news lady, but that current events are too depressing.
-"I mean, doesn't it shock you that babies are found in trash cans every other day?"
We all shake our heads in disagreement
She pauses for a little moment
-"Doesn't it shock you that it doesn't shock you?"
Yes, it does.
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| Hiya. |
| 12.15.03 (6:56 pm) [edit] |
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Well, the weekend was great and classes have been good so far. Been searching for Cindy's number, but came up empty. :( Tomorrow I'll get it from Gustavo though, and we'll finally be able to talk. On Wednesday I might go to Wendy's house for her birthday, so that means hanging out with the friends. And to add to that, this is the last week of school before winter break. And when the weekend comes around, me and Scott better go and do something really fun. Woohoo! Point of this post is: This week will fuken rock. Period.
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| I miss Cindy. |
| 12.11.03 (7:06 pm) [edit] |
From one depressing subject to the other.
Today I came home and the first thing I did was check the mail. (With all this college business, I tend to get a lot of mail.) Typical flyers from all these private universities but then I saw a white envelope brightfully decorated. It was from Cindy!
Cindy was and still is one of my bestest friends. But she had to transfer schools right when we started getting used to each other. She is so awesome. Even if I don't call her for like weeks she'll always find time to call me and even mail me a letter. It's cool to know that she thinks about me. She even rips out magazine pages and mails them to me all for the hell of her knowing that I will enjoy them.
You know how they say that with time friendship tends to fade? Not with her. After a year of living miles away, she still considers me her best friend and I still consider her my best friend. (And I only have a few best friends.)
I just hope that we get to hang out some time soon.
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| Updating because I have nothing to do right now. |
| 12.11.03 (6:48 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I wasn't going to update today but since Scott got mad at me because I [i]mistakenly[/i] thought he was mad at me, I don't think he'll call me today. Ugh. I'll rather talk to him then update this, but when he gets mad, there's no way talking to him without having him sign off on you or hang up on you. So I guess I can only wait until he decides to get unmad at me. But then again, I always have to be the one to talk to the other first because he usually doesn't. HE signed off on me and told me to "forget it" about me signing off so we can talk on the phone. So what would probably end up happening is me getting off in a while and wait for him to call me. But he won't. So tomorrow at school I won't go visit him assuming that he's mad at me because he didn't call, and then he'll get even more angry at me. Unless I decide to call him today and then two things will happen: 1)he'll be too mad to talk and hang up or tell me he has to do his project, or 2)before he can say anything say I'm really sorry for thinking he was mad at me but the conversation will still be awkward. I hate these kind of situations; I hate it when he's mad at me. He might be able to go days without talking to me, but I can't so I usually give in first. Sighs
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| Splinter. |
| 12.10.03 (5:23 pm) [edit] |
[Song: Joe Strummer - Redemption Song :cry:]
In case some people don't know, I am a [b][u]huge[/u][/b] Offspring fan. And thanks to my [i]lovely boyfriend[/i], I have their new CD! (Thanks Scott!) Yay! First day it was out, I had it. It's good, although I might say that about all of their work. What's sad though is that I waited more than two years just to hear 25 minutes of their music. Ugh. Hopefully they'll come around soon so we can go see them.
Today was a very inspiring day at school. Second period had to take a 93-question "quiz". I think instead of saving the trees, I'll end up burning them because of Elshorafa. Fourth period we kept on learning about religions and Hinduism. I think Mr. Malta is into Hinduism a lot, because he got really into it when he explained it. Weirdo. Sixth period sucked like always. Learned about Greek and Roman art/sculpture/architectur e. Then we watched a video on ebola! Awesome, and scary. I think I've had enough learning for today, so I'm off to work and watch TV in order to lose all of my newly gained knowledge. In short, I hope you all get infected of ebola, bleed through your eyes, and die while foaming at the mouth. So you better hope I make it in microbiology so I can find a cure for it. :wink:
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| It's funny how the best thing I've ever had is the one I'm dying for. |
| 12.06.03 (8:01 pm) [edit] |
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Because without you, I'm nothing.
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| You need to work to have money. |
| 12.04.03 (4:32 pm) [edit] |
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It's quite a stupid and annoying rule, but you have to follow it. To spend money you gotta earn it first. Plus, I need to save up money for Christmas and stuff. So, yes, I'm trading profit for pride, but only temporarily.
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| 5,099 girls to kill. |
| 12.04.03 (4:22 pm) [edit] |
Melina is the #1601 most common female name. 0.004% of females in the US are named Melina. Around 5100 US females are named Melina! source namestatistics.com |
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| He's doing it again. |
| 12.02.03 (5:50 pm) [edit] |
HIM: something seems kinda weird
ME: yeah, i'm feeling that about you too
HIM: i dont know i guess its the internet thing
HIM: and....yeah a lot of questions in my head
HIM: :-
ME: about what?
HIM: ...us...
ME: :-:-
HIM: well mostly you
HIM: :-|
ME: uh?
ME: bad stuff?
HIM: just stuff i need to know
ME: do you want to talk or what?
HIM: um yes but no
HIM: i know what i want to ask
HIM: but i don't know how to ask it
HIM: weird huh ? :-
ME: just ask
ME: go ahead
ME: so it's just one question?
HIM: well ummm its like a lot of little questions that pretty much answer one main question
ME: what's the main question
ME: come one please i need to know
HIM: no not right now
HIM: its kinda cluttered in my head
HIM: i need some time to straiten things out
ME: what things!!?!? that's what i want to know.
ME: dammit i have the right to know
ME: so are you going to talk to me?
HIM: yeah but not now
HIM: i need to clear my head
ME: ok then i see you don't want to talk to me right now
HIM: i never said that
ME: well you're not talking to me
ME: and you said not now
HIM: no
HIM: i said that i need time to think about the stuff i want to ask you
ME: just tell me
HIM: i thought you were talking about what i wanted to talk about
HIM: no i cant
ME: why not?
ME: what's so hard?
HIM: cause i don't even know
ME: if you want the phone i'll call you
ME: but i want to know now
ME: you can't leave me here wondering if our relationship is at stake or something, you can't just do that.
HIM: you shouldn't say that....i should be asking YOU that
ME: why!?!? i have nothing to ask
ME: i'm not the one saying i need to clear my head
ME: and you taking real long to answer does not help the situation
HIM: don't worry melina
HIM: im not going to break up with you or ask for a break
HIM: it's just simple questions that are too hard to figure out right now
HIM: well for me at least
ME: well then it's something as serious
ME: if they're so simple why can't you just share them with me then?
ME: how can i not worry if all the worst times in our relationship always starts like this?
ME: how can you expect me not to worry!!?!?!
HIM: look melina
HIM: it's nothing bad
HIM: trust me
ME: well you sure are making it out to be like that
HIM: dont you just have those days where everything in your head is cluttered and you start to question things?
HIM: no i'm not
ME: and if it's not bad how come you can't tell me
HIM: YOU'RE making the big deal out of it
ME: well you know what then, i'm sorry for caring enough to worry
HIM: all i said is that i have some questions that i cant ask right now and that i cant ask them becasue i need to think about them
HIM: thanks for caring melina but dont worry
HOW THE HELL DOES HE NOT EXPECT ME TO WORRY!?
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